Story Sunday - 🚩 Love Story of the Century Part 1 - Meet the Players, Cheat the Game🚩

Three years ago, I was an unhappily married mom of two, living in our so-called starter home....the fixer-upper we’d been in for four years. The fixing, though? Never really happened. Not with the house, and definitely not in our marriage.

My Saving Grace? I lived directly across the street with from best friend of 10 years.

To really get the story, you need to know the friendship.

The good, the bad, the wreckage.

It still hurts. Still unresolved. No shock there.

Most of it, I just shove down, or let the rage do the heavy lifting. Yay BPD. I try not to think about it too much but when I'm in a depressive episode, it does creep up in my mind.

This isn’t a story with a fairytale ending. But honestly, I’m laughing now. Not at the pain, just at how ridiculous it all was.🤷‍♀️

And the best part? I’m the one who’s actually happy now.

Time to meet the players who turned life into a reality show, and no one got a prize.

Names have been changed to protect the guilty, the dramatic, and the legally unhinged. But don’t worry, none of the chaos has been toned down.

Derek - My Ex (emotionally unavailable, reckless decisions, blames me for everything)

Ariel - The Ex-Best Friend (betrayal, narcissism, girl-code obliterator)

Then there’s Lena—my ex-best friend’s ex-fiancé. She’s a little crazy, and honestly, we had our share of good times and bad as well.

Ariel and I met when we were both in high school but we didn't re-connect and become friends until years later, while I was pregnant with my 13-year-old daughter and she had just given birth to her soon be 14-year-old son. 

She was looking for a babysitter, I was looking to hold and experience being around a baby. I was pregnant at 17. I was young, I was excited, inexperienced, and most definitely naive.

From that night on, we stayed in touch and it did not take long for us to become inseparable.

For ten years, we were all we had. Each other’s only real friend. We raised our kids side by side, hers felt like mine, and mine like hers. We were inseparable.

It was toxic, isolating, and at times suffocating… but there were also moments I felt real joy. I truly believed we’d grow old as friends.

She stood beside me as my maid of honor. I still have the notebook that contains her speech. Packed away in a box, like I try and pack away any feelings that come with what happened between us.

We had so many amazing times, wild nights, chaotic adventures.

Honestly, those stories could be their own thing. But not all those secrets are mine to tell.

Our friendship also had a lot of down.

Looking back now, I can see the narcissistic tendencies—how possessive and controlling she was over me and our friendship.

Why someone would want to keep a crazy person like me, all to themselves, is beyond me, but that’s exactly how she wanted it.

I did not learn the term gaslighting until much later in life but call me a jerry can, fill me with gasoline, strike a match and light me on fire - because she a gas lit me ALL THE TIME.

For a while there, she was my support, the only one I trusted and confided in, and when things started getting a lot worse in my marriage, she was always encouraging me to leave.

There were moments Lena also was encouraging me to leave. Looking back now I find that a little funny.😂

Ariel would tell me how I deserved better (which, duh. I DID), I shouldn't stay, "we" would find a way to make it work if I left and and "we" should get a place together for me her and the kids and just leave.

Pause - let me also say this, as this will become very important information later on - she was engaged to another woman, Lena, the whole time we were friends (10 years). 

They're engagement ended approximately a year and a half ago.

Ariel also was unhappy.

This was quite evident, given the fact that Ariel had a daughter 7 years ago. (If you can't do basic math just know that this is during the time she was engaged to Lena)

That was not some planned insemination, that they as a lesbian couple made together.

And through it all, Lena stayed by her side.

Sometimes I think one of the reasons maybe why Ariel wanted to hold on to me, and our friendship so tight, is because I know all her secrets. 

As much as I want to entertain, and as juicy and crazy a lot of them are, I'm not here to spill her secrets, only things that are relevant to my story or that involve me.

Maybe if I hated her I would, but truthfully I don't hate her. And if that's not the definition of growth, I don't know what is.

Ariel put me through a lot, she was a very hard lesson for me to learn.

But again, those secrets, well that's her story to tell, and ultimately for her to live with....

Which I mean, is kind of what makes part of this whole situation comical.

Now back to my story.

I’d been unhappy and planning to leave my husband for a while. That’s not the kind of thing you just do on a whim. At least, not if you want it to go well.

That said, I’ve made plenty of impulsive decisions when emotions were high… shockingly, those didn’t work out great.

But I guess even someone as fucked up as me, who never seems to learn, can actually learn.

It just might take a few hundred failed attempts first.🫠

Before Christmas, I’d made up my mind. I was leaving. I was terrified. The pain and tears? I could’ve filled a bathtub and drowned in them. Yeah, that would’ve been a dramatic exit… but that’s just not me.

Leaving Derek was one of the hardest, and best, decisions I’ve ever made. Of course, I confided in my best friend. I told her I was done. That’s what best friends are for, right?

She reassured me over and over that I was making the right choice. Said she’d always be there for me. We talked for hours about it. I’d cry, and she’d listen. She would make me feel stronger, more certain.

Ariel and Derek never really got along anyway, so her support made sense. It felt like your typical best friend vs. husband dynamic… or so I thought.

I knew I would need her support as I navigated such a difficult, scary, unknown time of my life. 

Even with all my messy choices and the damage I may have caused along the way, I still felt sick knowing the pain I was about to inflict on him. I hurt deeply. I didn't want to cause more harm.

Now? There are days I wish he’d just vanish into thin air, or go burn in hell.

Since the split, it’s been one terrible decision after another on his end. And of course, I’m the scapegoat.

But honestly? I wear that shit like a badge of honor. Blame me all you want. I. DONT. CARE.💁‍♀️

The only thing that matters now, is doing what’s best for my girls.

Not long after I made up my mind, I told Ariel that I was leaving, but after Christmas. I didn’t want to ruin the holidays for him or the girls.

Well… the holiday train wreck express showed up at our house drunk and "in distress". She came over, I went to bed, and she kept drinking with Derek, and told him everything.

Backstabber, right? Girl code? She broke every code known to womankind. But honestly, she’s never been big on respecting others. She’s always moved in whatever direction served her.

As messed up as it was… it wasn’t even that shocking. Not really.

Hindsight’s 20/20. What could she possibly gain from betraying me, hurting both me and him?

She didn’t even like him, so maybe it was just to hurt him. But still… that’s a bold move. A brutal thing to do to your so-called best friend.

But narcissists don’t care who they hurt, as long as they get what they want. It’s never about you, it’s always about them.

And the best part? When it all came to light, when I found out she told him, before Christmas, no less—she blamed it all on the alcohol. 🙄

We all make dumb choices when we’re drinking, but that? That was calculated. And pretty damn unforgivable

Except to me it wasn't. 

I was mad, hurt, and betrayed, and I “ended” our friendship probably for the hundredth time over those ten years. But somehow, she always had this hold on me, like some evil witch casting spells, and me? Well, I was her loyal (and slightly clueless) victim every single time.

Of course, we became friends again after that incident.

I let her have so much control over me over the years. Every decision I made, I carefully considered how it would affect her and how she would feel. I wouldn’t wear clothes she thought were ugly, nor would I wear perfume that didn’t smell good to her. All I wanted was her approval and to avoid being broken down or made to feel stupid for any choice I made.

I always felt inferior.

She would hurt me, and then I’d be gaslit into apologizing and actually feeling sorry — thanks, anxious attachment style for trapping me in a vicious cycle.

It was an emotionally abusive relationship, and although such abuse is more commonly associated with romantic partners, this relationship meant even more to me than my own marriage.

Every breakup and makeup we had, I thought for sure this was the last damn time. For breakups I thought she was horrible and I was done... and for makeups I would pretend to be auditioning to be part of a bomb squad and not set her off like the ticking time bomb she was. As long as I can pull that off we would survive. She was all I had.....

Well it’s Sunday. The girls are at their dad’s. You know, my soon-to-be ex-husband, who right now is playing house with my ex–best friend (the one they still call ‘Auntie’ like betrayal comes with a nickname🙄).

Meanwhile, I sit here with a court-issued restraining order and enough emotional damage that should entitle me to free therapy for life, but that's not how it works.

Now that I think about it, calling this a mini-series is delusional, which is very on brand. We’ve barely cracked open betrayal number one, and it’s a practice round for the real drama.

Hindsight really is 20/20.

Til next time 💋