It’s Mental Health Monday, babes and today we’re talking meds. Specifically, the absolute nightmare gong show that is finding the right psychiatric medication.
If you’ve ever been prescribed anything for depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, really, any flavor of mental illness.... then you already know. It’s Pharmacy Roulette. Except instead of winning money, you win dry mouth, weight gain, insomnia, emotional numbness, increased suicidal ideation, and that's just the coles notes. Fun, right?😬
Now listen, I don’t mind a gamble. I love a slot machine. 😅 But I do not, and I cannot, stomach Roulette. And that’s exactly what it feels like when a doctor casually hands you a new prescription and says, “Try this and let me know how it goes.” Oh okay, sure. I’ll just ride out the side effects from hell and hope this Hail Mary pass doesn’t break my brain more than it already is.
Because the thing is, maybe it’ll help. Maybe it’ll stabilize something. But just as likely? It won’t. And you'll have suffered for nothing except a new pharmacy bill and a fresh spiral, or even a whole new set of issues.
It’s daunting. It’s exhausting. Some people straight-up choose to raw dog their mental illness, and honestly? I get it. Others find something that actually works, and then stop taking it once they feel better, because their chemically-impaired brain whispers, You’re fine now. Let me just say, nine times out of ten - YOU ARE NOT CURED.
I’m not here to judge anyone’s path. I’m not telling you to take meds, not take meds, go to therapy, or ghost your therapist and hide away from the world. You shouldn’t be taking advice from me anyway, that’s been established. But I do understand why people do what they do. Because this system is brutal, and mental illness doesn’t hand out clarity or consistency.
Here’s something I’ve always found ironic: if someone has cancer and treatment might save them, no matter how horrific the side effects, they usually go for it. But when it comes to mental illness? The motivation isn’t the same. I don’t know if it’s because our brains are sabotaging us from the inside or because society still whispers “just tough it out”, but people are way less likely to treat their brain like it deserves care.
Personally? I’m a pills and skills girl. I take medication for what I can, and I support the rest with therapy and whatever coping mechanisms aren’t self-destructive that day. Is my life perfect? Absolutely not. Is my mental health fully under control? Nope. But if I stopped doing what little I am doing, I know I’d be a thousand times worse.
Full disclosure, I’m not currently on anything for my bipolar, but don’t worry, my doctor knows. I am on a stimulant for ADHD, a benzo for anxiety and sleep, and gabapentin for chronic pain (which apparently also helps with anxiety related to bipolar, or so Google swears 🤷♀️).
As of today, it seems to be working okay I also take vitamins, supplements and a probiotic. (Thanks mom for drilling the benefits of vitamins into my head 😅 - but no really they have helped me)
So if you or someone you love is stuck in the brutal trial-and-error of finding the right medication, or too scared to even start that journey, try to extend a little grace. This isn’t a clear-cut process. It’s messy. It’s terrifying. It’s Pharmacy Roulette.
And nobody’s really winning.
Til next time 💋